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"Flicker Fade"Written By: Miss Murdered Disclaimer: I don't own the GW characters - am just borrowing to torment for my amusement Rating: NC 17 Warnings: m/m sex, character death (Howard –
I love this guy and I kill him!), some angst, bad language Pairings: 2x3 Summary: Howard's funeral reunites
the former Gundam pilots in Hawaii. But the reunion is complicated
by the fact Trowa and Duo haven't seen each other for years and the
feelings they once had for each other have never quite faded. "Flicker Fade"
Save Your Place The view was impressive. Trowa acknowledged that - it was more than that - stunning, spectacular and other hyperbolic words that other people used for things that usually didn't deserve such enthusiasm. But this time it deserved the enthusiasm. The mist had cleared during the hike so that when they ascended the top, the world was clear, the ocean a rolling canvas of blue. From the vantage point, the hotels and their large complexes no longer looked so bad - little specs of materialism and commercialism that seemed insignificant comparatively to the view offered of nature's beauty. The nature they'd trawled through, the sound of birds above, things rustling below and the muddy pathways. Trowa was right, their shoe choices had been poor for the hike but then it had caused some amusement - one of Duo's checkerboard Vans had ended up stuck in mud and he'd complained, loudly, when he'd ended up putting his socked foot down on the mud after losing his shoe. Trowa had rolled his eyes and offered no sympathy. And also refused to carry him as Trowa argued that Duo was a big boy and could manage walking with mud covered socks. Really wasn't that much of an issue for him. They'd taken a break and shared snacks, Duo bringing out bananas from his bag and then proceeding to eat one in a way that Trowa accused him of being sexy on purpose. It was hard not to watch the way Duo's lips closed over the banana, seeming to take a stupid amount in his mouth before he bit down. And even when Duo protested he wasn't, he was just damn well eating, Trowa couldn't help but think that Duo was being a tease. Trowa then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the duration of the break - eating power bars and drinking water, looking at the spiders that crawled among the leaves around them, at the insects that buried themselves into the bark of trees, and not thinking about Duo at all. Or how his mouth felt. Or how he'd hold onto the soft strands of hair as he... Yeah. Trowa had stopped himself from thinking about those things entirely. Now at the top, stood together, Trowa couldn't ignore Duo's presence as there was a shared sense of triumph at reaching the top, at looking down from such a height and seeing the rise and fall of the ocean waves, the horizon, the sun and clouds. It wasn't a victory like they'd shared as teenagers but it was one nonetheless and Trowa felt Duo beside him, his solid frame brushing his, something reassuring about it all. "It's an awesome view. Maybe 'Ro was right." "About what?" Trowa asked with a snort - about the hike or them spending time in each other's company. He supposed at least they hadn't killed each other on the way up - no discussions about their relationship or what remained of it. Only took deep breaths and climbed together - sharing brief subtle glances as they hiked. "The hike. And coming with you, I guess." "Duo -" "I don't mean anything, 'Tro." Sighing, Trowa gave Duo a sideways glance and saw his profile - the serene smile, the curve of those lips that looked perfectly kissable without a shit-eating grin. And Trowa knew they could go there - and they probably would - but it didn't mean it wasn't stupid. It didn't mean that it was any less wrong. Both of them were just too stubborn. Too much about take and not give. "Do you miss it?" Trowa frowned unsure what he was referring to. Did he miss them? Yeah, he could admit he missed regular sex and good regular sex at that. Duo always knew his buttons, where to grab and scratch and hold tight - knew Trowa's moods when it was hard fucks against walls and when it needed to be slow soulful screws in bed, with hands entwined. Yes, he missed that. Did he miss the fights? The throwing stuff at each other? The war of words that Trowa always gave up on, the walking away, the punches? No, maybe not. "I mean, the war. Gundams. Being heroes. Blah blah blah..." Duo's voice was somewhat scathing but Trowa noted the look in his eyes, the look of fire still under the surface. Like it wasn't completely gone. The war time Duo still lingered somewhere. Trowa shrugged. "I still fight." Duo turned, his eyes sparkling. "But it ain't like that, right? It isn't being behind the controls of an incredible machine, it isn't like feeling life and death at the flick of a button... it isn't like feeling powerful, free..." Duo's voice trailed off and Trowa didn't answer, only watched the flight of a bird over towards the ocean until he heard Duo chuckle under his breath. "I'm fucking crazy, right? Nostalgic for a time when I was a teenage terrorist." "I get it," Trowa said softly after a few moments, "we didn't have... conventional childhoods." "You're telling me," Duo snickered, "or you know, actual childhoods." A small smile crossed Trowa's face as his childhood was one of merc groups and mobile suits and traveling through war-torn countries. And Duo's was no better. Out of the former Gundam pilots, only Quatre's privilege and his family's wealth had allowed him some form of escape from the realities of life. But the rest of them had childhoods full of fire and violence. "True." Hearing a sigh from Duo' s lips, Trowa still kept his eyes forward, still looking towards the ocean, the clouds and the waves as it was easier than gazing at Duo. "I guess... fuck, look at me, Tro'." Reluctantly, he turned to face Duo, seeing the way his face was set in a determined line. "I know we can't... I don't know, I've looked for something all these years that makes me feel alive... that doesn't make me feel fucking trapped and I've tried to grow up or whatever those things you told me to do. And I tried, you know?" Blue eyes were downcast and Trowa stepped forward then, his fingers going to Duo's jaw, feeling the roughness of the morning's stubble. It was hard not to press forward, not to want to kiss Duo when those eyes looked at his face, when they questioned what Trowa was going to do. "I never asked." "Yeah... I know," Duo said, stepping back, the hand falling and Trowa balling it as his side in a fist, his fingernails pressing into his skin so that he could focus on that sharp pain. "You never asked but I wanted to. I didn't want to be an ass to you. I didn't want us to fucking repeat the hate sex cycle bullshit we've been doing since the war. But it's just... I don't think I've figured out who the fuck I am yet. I thought it would just... happen and it didn't. And it's like ten years and I'm still standing with you, Trowa and I still fucking think I'm in love with you but I can't do... relationships. And I can't hurt you again." Trowa swallowed once Duo was finished, once Duo was beginning to back away, and he stepped forward, this time so they were so close - chest to chest, Trowa's height making Duo look up. "Stop making decisions for me," Trowa growled, his voice low, "I never wanted a conventional relationship. I just wanted you, idiot." Duo's eyes widened to what seemed an impossible size for a moment before he regained composure enough to make a noise of derision. "Idiot, huh? Your sweet talk hasn't improved." "Shut up." "Make me." Trowa did. Bridging the small gap between their faces, pressing his lips onto Duo's, feeling the stubble against his own jaw, feeling the chapped-ness of his lips, tasting the lingering banana and power bars as he plunged his tongue inside. He grabbed for the small of Duo's back, drawing him closer and feeling the planes and lines of his muscles under the thin fabric of a t-shirt, the material damp and sweaty from their hike. Duo kissed back, his tongue meeting Trowa's, his hands clinging to Trowa's shoulders and their hips seemed to move automatically to meet, bumping together and creating friction, a re-enactment of so many times. A shot of arousal sparked up his spine when Duo drew back and teased at Trowa's bottom lip, the small hint of teeth and pain making his body respond, a moan leaving his lips and Trowa pushed back then. Stepped away. Turned back towards the view and pushed back his hair from his eyes. "We should go back," Trowa said and he could sense Duo's confusion without seeing it and he turned to look over his shoulder, smirking slightly at the clear feeling of rejection apparent in Duo's posture. "We're not fucking here." A smile lit up Duo's face and he moved to stand behind Trowa, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his shoulder, both of them staring out towards the ocean. It felt peaceful, the feel of Duo's arms wrapped around him and Trowa could feel hot breath against his skin even through the t-shirt. "I don't know how this will work," Duo said. "It won't work." "That's reassuring." Trowa closed his eyes for a moment, blocking out the world, the view, and just feeling Duo's arms around him. It wasn't going to work - it never did, never would - but life always brought them back together and if one thing attending a funeral pointed out, it was that life was short and finite. "It doesn't have to work. Let's just be..." Trowa didn't know how to finish the sentence, wasn't sure what he was grabbing for - maybe it was "just be them" - two royally fucked up individuals trying to find something in each other. Fuck knew. Trowa didn't but right now, he wasn't going to overthink it or analyse it. "Let's go back." Duo made a noise of affirmation and his arms left Trowa's waist as he grabbed for where they had discarded their packs. Throwing Trowa's over, Trowa caught it and secured it on his back, looking back for a moment to see the view one more time. "It really was beautiful up here, right?" "Yeah," Trowa answered. "We should..." A moment later Duo had his cell and he was manhandling Trowa into a position where he could fit both of them into the frame, clicking and taking the picture with an outstretched arm. Duo squinted to look at the screen, obscured a little by the brightness of the sun, and he smirked at the expression on Trowa's face. "Next time work on your smile, Tro'." "Next time give me warning." And with a playful shove, Trowa pushed Duo to start the hike back down, Duo waving his arm and going "yeah, yeah" under his breath as they began to descend the way they had come. Trowa had one last glance back at the spot, at the sprawling vistas of ocean and beach and tourist resorts and then back towards Duo. Coming to Hawaii had been a stupid idea, he knew it, but right now it seemed a little better plan than it had. As while it was always the worst idea to sleep with Duo, maybe now they'd admitted they couldn't do "normal", they might find some way to make it work in its own complicated and confusing way. A way that worked for them. |
